At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
