He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
