Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
