this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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