I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
