they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
