I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
