haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Randomize