im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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