Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
