I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
