I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
