this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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