My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
