The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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