so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This baby is an asshole
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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