That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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