don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
