Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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