ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it glows. i had to have it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
