First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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