We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
