FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
