my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
