you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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