okay pat passed out under dana's car
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
