chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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