did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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