What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
