You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
