just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
