Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize