dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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