this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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