my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
