Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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