heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
