Porn is love you can see.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
