the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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