Just fell off a train. Bad.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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