My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
