So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
