this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
