nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
