So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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