But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
