If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
