just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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