Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
