My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
