My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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