Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
