Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
