If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
