I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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