My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
