There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
