I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
