I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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