It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
