I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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