youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
