I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
