i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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