So drunk its hurt
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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