I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
