The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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