Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
