On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
