If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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