I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my phone needs a breathalizer
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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